Musings, Raw and Unfiltered

Falling Forward Into Freedom

I stand precariously at the edge of “keep listening” and “never listen again.”

Behind me, I hear the screams of all the unsolicited advice society can dream up. So much I can’t even carry it in my pockets anymore. I need a new overcoat to hold it all.

All I want is to strip off the clothes that are weighing me down. Fall forward, naked in my freedom, toward a new kind of peace.

They try to catch me before I fall. Tell me how to be, how to do, how to experience. They want me to be safe. They want to protect me. They want to shelter me.

All I want are the broken bones of the impact below. How else will I feel anything ever again?

What’s so scary about injury? What’s so scary about a mistake? What’s so scary about dying? How can you live if you don’t risk things? How can you forgive yourself if you let them hold you back?

I don’t even want to comfort them anymore. It’s not my job. My life path scares the shit out of them, and they can’t even get past their fears to see that I’m doing what’s right for me. They can’t see that their opinions are utterly irrelevant. Meaningless. Useless to me.

When I risk my health to feel like I can fly. When I risk my finances to keep myself from suffocating. When I risk my sanity to dive deeper into the depths of my creativity. When I risk my relationships to ensure that when I die alone someday, I do so feeling at peace with it. Not like I’m missing something or someone, but like I am finally whole.

Within myself, I am whole. Within my world, I am free. Side by side with those I love. They don’t get to touch me anymore. They don’t get to hold me back. They don’t get to tell me what to do.

They just get to stand there, listen to my crazy stories, hear my crazy dreams, witness my crazy actions.

And keep their fucking mouths shut.

I’m writing this when, at the same time I’m dealing with a health crisis and making huge changes in the way I structure my life, I have chosen to free myself from people and relationships who try to tell me what to do.

Their suggestions and advice, though endearing at first, has left a sickeningly sweet aftertaste in my mouth.

I’m finally tired of listening to anyone but myself. The innate wisdom I have within my heart, body, and spirit is on a different level than anything anyone could tell me about what I “should” do.

This is my “fuck you” to the world for trying to control me. This is my attempt to tell everyone and everything…I’m finally ready to be free.

What voices are you trying to free yourself from? How can you embrace authentic choices while remaining unencumbered by society’s expectations? Do you use bravery? Trusting your gut? Taking risks? Tell me in the comments below.

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